I never thought it would happen. I've read about it happening to other bloggers, but I never ever thought it would happen to me.
I have Blogger's Block!
What the heck?
Soooo much fun and good stuff has happened this past holiday season that I wanted to record, but I just can't make myself type.
I think it is because I am kind of in a funk.
Nothing crazy, just life happening.
Now let me just say...if anyone is reading and you continue to read, don't worry. I am fine. I am coping. We are moving through life and we will all have these challenges. It is natural to feel this way, sometimes. As Chris used to quote, "This too shall pass".
I remember once after Ronnie's knee replacement, my sister in law said to me, "this is just one moment in your life, one small moment. It isn't going to last forever. It will pass and life will go on,". She was right.
It was that experience with the knee replacement that taught me in all of life's circumstances to praise God. I don remember it often enough...human nature I guess. But, when do I remember, I thank Him. I thank Him for this precious life and for the precious souls he has placed in my path. I thank Him for sustaining me throught it all...the sunshine and the rain. He is here. Here are a couple of really good reminders:
Ok, back to what is going on. I keep thinking I don't want to look back on this blog and see a bunch of downer stuff.
But, you know what? There isn't a bunch of downer stuff. Our lives are full of so much good and so many blessings and so many wonderful memories. But life is life. Downer times are a part of this wonderful life. For me, the fact that something is a downer means there was, at some point, beauty and love and happiness.
Plus, if I don't sort it out, get it on "paper" then it stays within me and that is not where I want it. It does no one any good there.
I think it is a good thing to look the realities of life eye to eye, especially when I can thank the Lord for being there. Like the song says, "Your grace is enough...". And someday, I will look back on these times and realize how the down times were so few and far between.
Ok, so let's get this downer post over with.
First off, one of my mom's cousin's husband passed away last week. It wasn't so much his death...I truly believe he is in a better place...he had been on dialyses for several years and was ready to move on to his next life. He was a good man, he lived a good life and I have some very nice memories of the man.
My brother, Chris, used to take my mom to visit this man and his wife after my dad passed away. He would take them all out to eat and they would go check out the antiques in the area. I had no idea how much these visits meant to my mom's cousins. Here my brother was doing it to take Mom's mind off things and in some way he was bringing light into their lives also. He was good that way.
I understand now, though, that they felt his loss as much as we did. I was told that he felt as if he had lost one of his own. He and his wife mourned the loss of my brother. I feel sad that I did not carry on Chris's gesture once he passed. I feel sad that I did not realize they were also hurting. I feel sad that we did not know about the man's failing health until it was too late to have one last conversation with him. Isnt that how death goes?
THEN...my Aunt Mercy went from a spunky, cognisant, mobile (although it was painful mobility) person to one that cannot move on her own nor hold a conversation. She sees a pain management doctor for her arthritis and he put her on a very, very strong drug. She is groggy, falls asleep mid-sentence and cant really stand or walk on her own. They have now ordered her a hospital bed. I dont like the direction this is taking. Is this the start of the end? How can that be? Although, she was in pain last week, she had mental and physical capacity. It makes me very sad. But mostly, I am sad that there is nothing I can do. She is not my mother, I have no say in her health.
This wistfulness is sprinkled with a less important (to some) reality, but a reality non the less. Our 14 year old chocolate lab-mix is struggling. Like many Labs, she has developed hip problems. We have had "the discussion" but we haven't made the actual decision to put her down. It's a hard decision to make, always, but especially because she seems happy and still eats well. She just cant move around very well.
All of this has brought forth for me the frailty of the human body, the frailty of life. It re-emphasizes that we must take care of ourselves and our loved ones EVERY DAY, RIGHT NOW!! What we do today will make our tomorrow. I believe we can continue to thrive as we age if we make uncomfortable choices today, as far as nutrition and exercise.
And that is the last thing that makes me sad. I am so addicted to processed foods and sugar and crap that it is very hard for me to change my diet. In some ways, I even wonder if it is possible. I have tried for almost 10 years now and just cant seem to get back to that girl that had control. Crazy.
As I close I thank God for these times...all of them. But, mostly, right now, I thank him for loving me...and you...and you and you...and you!!!
If you are moving through tough times, I pray you remember that! And, I pray you will remind me when I forget, because I know at some point, I might forget.