There were two songs at Mass that spoke to me today, but I felt called to post this one of the two.
Two years ago when we started this blog I thought all of our memories would live here forever. I thought I would post something from everyday for us to remember. But, it hasnt been that way lately. Maybe it will get better. I just havent felt like taking the time.
Since I am here, though, I guess I will catch up.
Let's see...the thing that stands out most is our visit yesterday to our house in Dickinson.
We went there last week to check it out since our tenent moved out. Which, by the way, he did a great job of keeping up the house. It still looks brand new.
That first visit was tough. I love that house so much. But not only that, I loved the life we lived in that house. We have been blessed with goodness through out our marriage and I am extremely grateful for the incredible feeling of gratitude I get when I think of our life there.
Gosh, I can still remember the day we signed the papers. December 18th 2008.
What a crazy day it was. We hired movers and still it was a tough day. It was so late when the movers finally got everything moved in. I remember being so exhausted and hungry. I had only been around the area once with the builder's salesman a month before, but somehow I found my way to Chick-Fil-A that night.
Being there yesterday was even tougher than the first time.
I opened that door and the moment I looked down that long entry hall the emotion rushed to the surface.
Luckily, I kinda kept it together until the handy man and his wife, there doing some touch ups, left.
Once they left, the tears flowed, basically until we got back to Bay City. Ronnie took me to that same Chick-Fil-A thinking it would make the water works stop. Generally, Chick-Fil-A makes everything better. Not yesterday.
Part of it was definitly the gratitude for the memory of the moments in our life associated with that house. But another part of it was closure.
I guess in the deep recesses of my mind I hoped someday we would move back because here's the thing...I guess for me it was the ultimate home. That home everybody strives for throughout their lives. It was the home of which I always dreamed.
Yesterday, my hopes came face to face with reality. And truly, something inside told me that this home will no longer be mine. I truly think it is going to sell this time. My heart was sad when I came to this realization.
Then again, maybe it was just PMS. You know everything gets blown out of proportion during that time of the month. We will see when it goes back on the market. Will it sell or will it lease? Only time will tell.
The good news is...I have nothing to be sad about. We have a wonderful life here in BC. It is full of love and life. Full of hope and promise. It is a beautiful, simple life full of love and fun and peace. And while I am having a difficult time letting go of what life was, I am counting my blessings for what life is and will be.